Once a month, I pay to be with a group of men in a circle for 2 hours. Most of them are strangers.
I didn’t know then, but I came to like it a lot.
A group coming together with an intention to slow down, listen to themselves and reveal.
As I listen, I share what relates to me. It could be similar past experiences and what resonated. There’s no solving of problems, because frankly, some things can’t be solved. They just need to be shared.
I learned that, more than wanting a plan or a solution, we want to feel less alone. I get to witness struggles and joy, and in turn, share mine with others.
We shared about job uncertainty, male roles expectation, inner rage, unintended pregnancy, leaving religion, purpose transitions and parents cheating.
In a world of accomplishments, innovations and highlight reels, I get an opportunity to be honest with myself and listen. Interestingly, when I witness a “successful-looking” person sharing a difficult situation, my problem feels smaller. And maybe help someone by relating to them.
I exercise my vulnerability muscles. Sharing the things that matter, to people who listen. Showing up, month after month, I remind myself and vote for the kind of person I want to be. Honest with myself, with others, to talk about the hard stuff. The most vulnerable and truest thing.
And as I chipped away the cultural stigma for myself, I invite friends along to this gathering. Sometimes, I’m lucky and deepen a relationship. Other times, I make a new friend from strangers in the group.
I learn also that I enjoy attending despite life’s going well. I listen to people in the group. Perhaps instead of calling it a men’s group or a support group. It can be called a life group.
And of course, the real magic sauce are those who showed up and lead.
Thank you, Hafeez and Chun.
It’s worth noting that not all men’s groups are not the same. I tried two different groups. One feels directive and the other explorative. I enjoyed the latter. A shared agreement, repeated at every gathering, that anyone can pass on any activities while being honored allows me to be very comfortable.
