An act of generosity.
Someone is stuck, and you want to help. So, you jump in.
They appreciate you, you deepen a friendship. Everyone is happy.
It’s thrilling.
Contrary to popular belief, that’s the easy part.
“Why are you siding with them? Help me. I want to make them hurt.”
Your friend is going through a divorce, and wants you to be a partner in casting hurt upon his ex-wife.
“Do you feel my work is not good? You do know that every photographer has a different style, right?”
Your friend is not getting enough projects and you try to help them see their work is out of trend. And to maybe try something new.
When people raise their hands and ask for help (an act of vulnerability), it brings up all sorts of unresolved issues that have been carefully tucked away. Imposter syndrome, insecurities, identity and childhood trauma.
Because of the era we live in, this is fertile ground for all sorts of traps.
Your kindness could be used to maintain an addiction. And when you disagree to give help in the way they want, you might get blamed. Or any small wrongdoing would be used against you.
“I just need some cash. It’s not a lot for you. Why are you so unkind?”
“…is a pretty clear indicator that you weren’t listening.”
It’s messy and it’s tricky.
The hard part is to stay with the discomfort and not to ignore them. To re-approach with curiosity, and let them be if the help they want is not the kind you want to offer.
And the really hard part, despite being blamed, to maintain a posture of kindness for the next person.
Because thank you for your kindness. It matters.
