Poverty, debt, global warming, over-productivity, anxiety and burnout.

It pushes us and pushes us, to work not caring about our happiness.

Conglomerates who own many brands, create monopolies and increase prices.

Robbers in the system who take more than what they give.

It sucks.

And before capitalism? It was kings, and empire and slaves. If you’re born into the whole family, you’re stuck. I’m not sure if we want that either.

On the other end, in the same capitalist system.

Patagonia gave $3 billions for the climate with the system of capitalism.

People built libraries, museums, and Wikipedia.

Capitalism gave us more choices. To be born as we are, and through a series of choices create our life. We benefit from the positive choice and learn from negative consequences.

Capitalism gave us (almost) equal opportunity, but not equal outcomes.

Almost equal opportunity because we are humans. And humans have bias.

Unequal outcomes because people make different choices. And different choices create different outcomes.

We have choices to change our jobs, to support local with spending habits. And make things better.

There are people who work hard, and give back.

And many others who improve on capitalism, install guardrails and policies to make the system better.

As GK Chesterton says, “Capitalism is the worst form of economic arrangement, except for all the other ones that we’ve tried.”

Instead of blaming, I wonder what’s a better system? And more importantly, how will you choose to spend that choice today?

What do you do when…

Someone quote what you say without the context?

Tells the community you did something that you didn’t?

Or use AI to fake a video of you?

Then, the video was re-shared 500 times?

Is this freedom of speech?

Do you sit and do nothing?

In conversation, assumptions occur.

Where do you like to swim? (Assumed they swim)

When are you going to have kids? (Assumed they want and can have kids)

Have you tried A or B? (Assumed they want your advice)

And every once in a while, when we unintentionally offend someone, and the conversation feels stunted.

What happens next?

One thing we could do is to ignore and talk forward. Another is to try and name it.

“Hey. I noticed something is off here. I want to check. Is there anything that I said or assumed that may have unintentionally upset you?”

I saved so much money, buying, instead of renting a car.

So far, I’ve bought 4 cars, Honda Accord (US$1,300), Ford Econoline (US$1,500), Honda Civic (£900) and Toyota Siena (S$3,000). Renting a car would cost US$1,500 a month.

Mostly, I re-sold the cars for the same price or a profit.

That said, it takes about 2 full days, to research and buy the car. If travel is longer than a month, I always choose to buy.

Here’s how.

1. Go to listing sites, Craigslist (US) or GumTree (UK).
2. Search for Honda and Toyota. Japanese cars can easily run up to 300K+ miles and parts are also easily available.
3. Rank by price, use filters for listing under $5,000.
4. Open up all listening in new tabs.
5. Look out for listing prices, mileage and appearance. Ignore cars that are not working. Get a sense of the market price and what is a good deal.
6. Narrow down to 20 listings. Message or call them. “Hi, I’m interested in your car. Is it still available? Negotiable? I’d love to check it out”.
7. Once they respond, ask “What’s your best price?” Then reply, “I’m looking at different cars. I’ll get back. I’m waiting for other’s response.”
8. Look for a reputable car mechanic on Google Maps. Call ahead to arrange for a full-service check ($50 – $100). Smaller shops can usually check it, on the same day.
9. Narrow it down to 3 cars and arrange to meet. “Can we meet at ADDRESS, the mechanic will do a car check. Is that okay?” If anything smells fishy, walk away.
10. After the check, if anything needs repair, let the seller know and negotiate for a better price.
11. If you feel good, complete the relevant paperwork. For the US, it’s the Bill of Sales.
12. Make sure the photo ID name matches the car ownership document. Take a photo of their ID, face and car ownership papers (Car Titles).
13. Get the cheapest online insurance. Because the car is cheap, it’s faster to pay for your own fixes/repairs, than dealing with insurance claims.
14. Pay up. Drive off now!
15. Change the car ownership to your name at the local vehicle licensing office. If you don’t have a friend in town, use a mail forwarding service.
16. Once you get the new license plate, put it up. You’re all set.

AAA membership ($70) for extra security when the car breaks down on the road.

To adventures and beyond.

Generally a good rule, except when it’s not.

You like vanilla, and she likes chocolate.

You might benefit from 10,000 steps, he might enjoy swimming.

They might want guns, and you don’t believe in it.

You might need advice, he might need a listening ear. Someone to be with the pain.

When in doubt, share your kind intention, and ask if the person wants it.

Assuming, then imposing, might be a good rule.

But generally a bad idea.

Many broken, and great friendships later, I’ve gathered some observations, insights, and advice. I hope you find something useful.

1. Love yourself. The unloveable parts of yourself. The parts that get you in trouble. The parts that ate the leftovers that weren’t yours. The more you can accept those parts of yourself, the more you accept those of others.
2. Learn to be by yourself, with yourself. When you enjoy your own company, you generate your own joy and bring it with you. Your presence becomes a gift.
3. Share your difficult times and your journey of overcome. Be a fellow traveler, not a critic.
4. Be curious. Find out what is hard for others and why. Ask for permission. Most people don’t need advice, they need company. Facing difficult things is difficult. As Thich Nhat Hanh says to his friends, “Dear one, I know you are suffering. That is why I am here for you.”
5. Okay, I take that back. Maybe they could use some advice, but first ask “Would you like to brainstorm together or if we just sit together?” Let silence do it work.
6. Be interesting. Do projects that contribute. Learn things that light you up. List them down and share them.
7. Be honest and hold strong morals. How and what you do after your mistakes matters more than the mistake. Don’t be the person that others need to watch their back around.
8. Fall in love with people, with humans. In their potential, their goals, their journey. Fall in love not for the things you can get, but for what you can give. People like people who like them.
9. Learn to listen for what isn’t said – the context, the emotions, the energy. Suicide hotlines or coaching courses are good places to practice.
10. In every interaction, make it your job to find out what they care about, what’s getting in the way and how you can help. Connections, ideas, lived experience and presence are gifts to offer.
11. Two good questions. “What are you curious about in this season?”, and “If you were writing a book about your life, what would you name the current chapter?”
12. Most people are unaware of their gifts because it comes easily, and assume everyone finds them easy too. When you spot it, tell them. What you appreciate about them. Only if it’s genuine.
13. Vanessa taught me the importance of a good answer, when asked “what do you do?” The goal is to create opportunities for questions and conversation. It is not to explain your life work or sell them something they don’t want.
14. Remember their names, their kid’s names, their birthdays, and what they care about. Write it down.
15. Make time to follow up within a week. Share links, share your network, share ideas for bettering. Following up shows sincerity.
16. After each interaction, ask yourself “How is my engagement level and my energy level?” Check if they are truly your people. Its easy to lie to lie to yourself.
17. Double down on your people. Ask them out, go to them, and give an easy out “Love to grab coffee sometimes. I can swing over to you. Not sure how’s your schedules.”
18. Gift good gifts and they don’t need to be expensive. Snacks, toys, books, candles. Something useful, something delicious, something delightful. Lea has a great book coming.
19. There 2 ways to make friend. Give help and ask for help. Don’t steal the opportunity for someone to help you. “Hey Janice, I got a favor to ask. I’m going through a weird time. If you got time, love your presence with me.” “Hey JR, do you have 30mins? I love to get your take on some property that I’m considering. But no worries if you’re busy.”
20. Donate to their cause. Buy what they make. Recommend their business to others. Cheer for them, whenever you can.
21. If you see a friend walking into a trap, however uncomfortable, tell them. Take the risk, you’ll learn who they are. On the flipside, don’t be that person who say “I told you so”.
22. Don’t assume, ask. When a friend is going through something difficult, “Are you well?”, “How do you feel about it?” It creates an opportunity to connect and find out what they really need.
23. If this sounds like a lot of time and energy, it is. But the good news is you only need 7 close friends, not 500. Those are on your favourites, that you make time each quarter to check-in, the rest can come and go, as you feel.
24. Lastly, lean into each moment, and every encounter expecting magic or miracles to happen. (Thank you, Adam)

To my friends who treated me with dignity and grace, thank you.

Here’s the prequel to this post…

Viktor Frankl wrote the seminal book about living. People who have a purpose, a meaning to live, feel more positive.

But guess who doesn’t have a purpose? Children.

And from what I observe, when their basic needs are met, they are pretty happy.

And who are those searching for purpose? People who are lost, in deep pain.

I don’t see many people who are, in community, in good health, in good jobs, looking hard for purpose.

Purpose is a hack, purpose is a shortcut.

Purpose can also cause burnout and anxiety (look at social workers).

The good news is, purpose is not required. It’s good to have.

Happiness is a skill. It is awareness, acceptance, healing and self-care.

Purpose, goal and meaning. They are optional, freakout too.

Funny how we say, human resource.

A resource, something that we try to acquire and hoard, as much as we can.

An industrialist wanting to maximise profit, create traps and incentive to retain his best employee. Save him the effort of looking for new people to hire.

Meanwhile, the Aesop’s, Patagonia’s, and Noma’s of the world, where people choose to be at work, constantly outperform any industry standard.

Zappos, an online shoe store, paid their employee $2,000 to quit. They were sold to Amazon for $1.2 billion.

If we ask ourselves, would you give your best effort, when we are forced to stay at a place we don’t want to?

Maybe what if, instead of treating humans as resources, we treat humans as humans?

Humans with families, goals and dreams.

Maybe just maybe, they will find out that, this is the organisation they want to stay for the long haul.

(Thanks Ryan, Liza, Mirtra, RJ, Olivia and Patty for the inspiration)