Advice for connecting, networking, and making friends (Part II)

Many broken, and great friendships later, I’ve gathered some observations, insights, and advice. I hope you find something useful.

Love yourself. The unloveable parts of yourself. The parts that get you in trouble. The parts that ate the leftovers that weren’t yours. The more you can accept those parts of yourself, the more you accept those of others.
Learn to be by yourself, with yourself. When you enjoy your own company, you generate your own joy and bring it with you. Your presence becomes a gift.
Share your difficult times and your journey of overcome. Be a fellow traveler, not a critic.
Be curious. Find out what is hard for others and why. Ask for permission. Most people don’t need advice, they need company. Facing difficult things is difficult. As Thich Nhat Hanh says to his friends, “Dear one, I know you are suffering. That is why I am here for you.”
Okay, I take that back. Maybe they could use some advice, but first ask “Would you like to brainstorm together or if we just sit together?” Let silence do it work.
Be interesting. Do projects that contribute. Learn things that light you up. List them down and share them.
Be honest and hold strong morals. How and what you do after your mistakes matters more than the mistake. Don’t be the person that others need to watch their back around.
Fall in love with people, with humans. In their potential, their goals, their journey. Fall in love not for the things you can get, but for what you can give. People like people who like them.
Learn to listen for what isn’t said – the context, the emotions, the energy. Suicide hotlines or coaching courses are good places to practice.
In every interaction, make it your job to find out what they care about, what’s getting in the way and how you can help. Connections, ideas, lived experience and presence are gifts to offer.
Two good questions. “What are you curious about in this season?”, and “If you were writing a book about your life, what would you name the current chapter?”
Most people are unaware of their gifts because it comes easily, and assume everyone finds them easy too. When you spot it, tell them. What you appreciate about them. Only if it’s genuine.
Vanessa taught me the importance of a good answer, when asked “what do you do?” The goal is to create opportunities for questions and conversation. It is not to explain your life work or sell them something they don’t want.
Remember their names, their kid’s names, their birthdays, and what they care about. Write it down.
Make time to follow up within a week. Share links, share your network, share ideas for bettering. Following up shows sincerity.
After each interaction, ask yourself “How is my engagement level and my energy level?” Check if they are truly your people. Its easy to lie to lie to yourself.
Double down on your people. Ask them out, go to them, and give an easy out “Love to grab coffee sometimes. I can swing over to you. Not sure how’s your schedules.”
Gift good gifts and they don’t need to be expensive. Snacks, toys, books, candles. Something useful, something delicious, something delightful. Lea has a great book coming.
There 2 ways to make friend. Give help and ask for help. Don’t steal the opportunity for someone to help you. “Hey Janice, I got a favor to ask. I’m going through a weird time. If you got time, love your presence with me.” “Hey JR, do you have 30mins? I love to get your take on some property that I’m considering. But no worries if you’re busy.”
Donate to their cause. Buy what they make. Recommend their business to others. Cheer for them, whenever you can.
If you see a friend walking into a trap, however uncomfortable, tell them. Take the risk, you’ll learn who they are. On the flipside, don’t be that person who say “I told you so”.
Don’t assume, ask. When a friend is going through something difficult, “Are you well?”, “How do you feel about it?” It creates an opportunity to connect and find out what they really need.
If this sounds like a lot of time and energy, it is. But the good news is you only need 7 close friends, not 500. Those are on your favourites, that you make time each quarter to check-in, the rest can come and go, as you feel.
Lastly, lean into each moment, and every encounter expecting magic or miracles to happen. (Thank you, Adam)