Beliefs are the undercurrent that drives actions.

The late-night studies for the university, the investments for an early retirement, the exercises we do for our health, our political stances or the roles of a romantic relationship.

We have good reasons why we are doing the things we do.

But what if those reasons that come to our mind so easily are not the cause of our beliefs? Those rational and irrefutable arguments are not how we decide in the first place.

The way that the mind works, very frequently, is that we start from a decision, or we start from a belief, and then the stories that explain it come to our mind.

And worse, our belief is sold to us because of someone’s agenda, not what we wanted in the first place.

The way to test if those beliefs hold water is by inquiry. Two good questions to start:

1.Why? Why is that? Why? And why is that? Why? (x5)

2.What would I need to see to change my mind?

I hope you’ll be surprised by how hard it is to answer those questions. And how easy life would be after shedding ideas that are not yours in the first place.

Maybe.

Being emotionally intelligent certainly can be useful. It is to use these rich data set of emotions (about yourself and others) to make informed decisions.

It may very well be that you don’t think you have feelings and that you are a machine. But it’s entirely possible you have them and you are pushing them aside to “be productive”.

We get frustrated when we don’t understand why people act the way they do.

Hint: frustration is an emotion too.

But until you can accept the existence of emotions, you will not have access to this set of information, to make informed choices.

Chances are, you are working with humans, not machines. And you might be a human too.

Martin Lindstrom shared an incredible story of a simple trick that reduce hundreds of emails a day and creates an upward spiral of change.

Here’s the story.

“So we work for one of the largest banks in the world, and I had this workshop with around 800 executives in the meeting. And one guy said to me, “I’m so frustrated working as a banker.”

I said, “What frustrates you the most?”

He said, “What frustrates me the most is emails. I get 800 emails every day.”

I said, “Would you like to change that?”

And he said, “Absolutely. I’d like to get rid of it.”

So I said, “Are you aware there’s a direct correlation between the number of emails you send and the number of emails you receive? So here’s my idea: Why don’t we get rid of the CC button and the reply all button in Outlook?”

And of course, the folks in compliance said, “Oh, you can’t do it. No, we will always see the CCs,” and all this stuff.

I said, “Frankly, all you guys in this room, how many of you actually ever read those CCs?” And not a single hand was raised.

I’m not kidding. Not a single hand. So we did it for three months–ninety days. After ninety days, the number of emails had dropped from 800 to 362 emails per person on average. This is a true number, and it has zero complaints. And that became almost the first piece of evidence within the organization, that change is possible.”

What wasn’t shared in the story is the idea of the availability bias (What you see is all there is). That we are really not aware of the information that we don’t have. And that it matters enormously. For this bank, it is this little hack.

Our beliefs, choices and habits are made by options we are aware of. And because we think we know the answer. We stop looking.

Even if we know of the bias, it’s a struggle trading attention (which is in scarce demand) for a slim chance of making things better.

If you’re a change maker, it is the enrolment process. What do you need to do to help people see that’s it’s worth the effort to change their mind.

If you’re an agent of change, it is to know you are operating under imperfect information and perhaps the next idea might change your life. If you’re open to it.

This is the best way → this is the best way for me but it might not be for you

My way is the only way to solve the problem → my way is a way to solve the problem

You should not do that → I won’t recommend that because of these reasons

Oversimplification → Simple enough and accurate

Success by luck → success by understanding and skill

Because the law/society/parent says so → because I’ve examined it and believe this as a better way for these reasons

I am at the effect of people, circumstances and environment → I have the agency to change my reality

I’m in control of my reality → I’m in control of some parts but not everything

Feelings are useless → feelings are additional data for decision making

We should desire one main thing (happiness, money, success, sex) → we have many desires and sometimes they are in conflict

Being an adult is more complicated than you think. The good news is the sooner you embrace it, the more accurate you’ll be, the faster you’ll get to where you want to go.

Thank you for championing the adult development theory, Jennifer.