Nina Barber, is an executive and CEO coach & matchmaker. In 2 years, she is billing $2,500 – $10,000/month per client for her coaching services. She is also the founder of Prismaticco, a matchmaking service for startup executives to find coaches. Nina has also cofounded a social enterprise, Nika water that brings clean water to more than 40,000 people every day. In this conversation, we spoke about:
Why Nina spends $50,000 a year on self-development
The emotional journey of founding, operation to closing a $3 million dollar start-up
How did Nina built her coaching practice in record speed
Apology, at its core, is not about taking responsibility. It’s not about figuring out who’s right. It’s not for finding solutions (although that can be helpful). The apology is about repairing connections.
The other option is simple — walk away and cut off all future interactions.
No one is immune to error (not even a perfectionist). When humans interact and something goes wrong, the apology builds a bridge that enables us to move forward.
It’s not easy to find the strength and allow yourself to feel vulnerable, but no one said that it was easy. We do it because it’s worth it.
Next time when you give an apology, ask “how can I repair the connection?”
[Why Won’t You Apologize? is a guidebook for anyone seeking to offer a heartfelt apology. Please read this before you apologize.]
“Fair” is a useless concept and it is often an unhelpful narrative. What is fair is is hugely at variance from 100 years ago.
Our society tolerates gross unfairness every day. It tolerates misogyny, racism and the careless indifference to those born without privilege.
We have to remember that change is not made by shouting “unfair”. It is a hard and slow work of understanding, trust and commitment.
Fair has come a long way and it is made possible by people no smarter than you. We share stories of a different future, of how things could be better, of how to do it, one person at a time. We show up.
Fair is not a complaint. Fair is work. Fair because it is better.
Thank you Daryl Davis for showing me a different way.
Funny how the phone was never an enemy before, but it is now. Today, the phone has become more interesting than reality. We are constantly being distracted by it. And we can’t put it down.
Too often, we bought the belief that there’s some sort of evilness in technology. We blame the phone.
Yet, we also realise that we have the power to delete any apps on our phones. There are tools like the Pomodoro technique, freedom app and the light phone.
As we transit from the industrial (do what you are told) age, perhaps the real problem is not your phone. It is choices. Each of us gets the same amount of attention to spend each day. It’s a competitive advantage to figure out how to focus it to get something done.
Instead of being entertain by the phone, what do you choose to do instead?
There is an old English rule that states active voice is better than passive voice. Well, that rule is wrong – and this is an article of why following rules are not always a good idea.
Simply rephrase.
“Teacher Amy says that active voice is always better than passive voice. Well, she is wrong – and this is the article why listening to rules are not always a good idea.”
Written in an active voice, we bring up an unnecessary character, teacher Amy who – might have good intentions – but forgets to explain why we should follow such a rule.
Active voice Mary will eat the pizza, beware. I shall always remember my first visit to Boston. The reason he left college was that his health became impaired. It was not long before she was sorry that she had said what she had.
Passive voice The pizza will be eaten by Mary, beware. My first visit to Boston will always be remembered. Failing health urged him to leave college. She soon felt sorry for her words.
An active voice is when the actor (subject) is in front of the action (verb) and the thing/person (object) that’s receiving the action. And that is how our brain understands cause and effect, not effect and cause. Hence, making it easier for you, the reader to understand.
An active voice also makes the sentence shorter and it usually becomes stronger. Brevity becomes a by-product of strength, making the sentence direct, bold and concise.
But at times, telling the truth is dangerous. So, we might want to hide the subject. Instead of telling your boss “you did not send me the cheque”, we might want to say “my cheque did not arrive”.
Active voice is powerful. Use it cautiously and with awareness. Lesson over.
The funny thing about values is that no teenager ever voluntarily goes searching for it. Yet as adults, that’s what causing most of our inner turmoil.
The story is common. We experience a mini “freak out” or “quarter-life crisis”, decide to take a week or ten days (or ten months) and cut all contact with the outside world, run to some remote part of the globe, and proceed to “find ourselves.”
At the core of it, our desires are in conflict. We find ourselves in situations where we don’t know how to get out. The voices in our heads are causing tremendous pressure and stress.
We want to save the world, but we are just swiping through social media all day long. We want a 6 packs abs but we also want to chuck down lots of carbs. We want to live in the moment and forget our worries yet we have bills to pay. We care about climate change but we can’t give up modern-day transportation.
We are stuck. Wishing we could change but not changing. Wishing we could accept but not accepting. Wishing we could ignore but not ignoring.
In the world of too many options, “values” become the compass guiding our actions. The easy part is unplugging and get away to a remote island. The hard part is to sit in silence, examine our inner conflicts, make sense of it, walk away from destructive ones and come out with an integrated set of rules to live our lives.
The value of “values” does not come from circling uplifting words from pages of adjectives. Consider what your “values” are for and unplug accordingly.
