It’s true that being non-judgemental fosters trust and vulnerability.

The intention is right. It is to create conditions that allow people to be comfortable expressing themselves.

However, if you are showing a poker face (to be professional) and expecting the person opposite you to share their vulnerable moments, this won’t work.

You are demonstrating the opposite of humanity and vulnerability and trust.

Here 3 things to share your judgments and foster trust.

1. My judgments are my judgments.
2. It is more about me than about you.
3. I will not assume my judgment is right. I will question them.

Safe space should not be a judgment-free zone. Instead, judgments are welcomed, as it’s part of the human experience. Own it lightly. Question its validity.

To better safe spaces

I experience first hand. Joy, not expressed causes all sorts of trouble.

A kind of scatterness leading to impulse buying, over-committing or gluttony.

This energy becomes a distraction from focusing on a task or deeply listening to someone.

And of course, sharing joy at the wrong moment can come off as narcissistic.

Causing missed opportunities for connection and trust. Worse, denial.

As we socialize into this culture, joy is hard enough to find, even with all the leverage, assets and privileges we’ve got.

Let’s skip these traps of joy. Name it, celebrate it and don’t let it get in the way.

This interview, with a 2xYC-backed founder who exited inspired me to write this.

“hey. I’m feeling down these days. If you remember something that I’ve said or done that has positively impacted you, I welcome your sharing. I will cherish and savor your words during these challenging times.”

Reassurance is futile, but sometimes we need to get through the now before a chance at the long haul.

(Thank you Mattan for your vulnerability and openness)

I came across an interview with mindfulness teacher Jack Cornfield. he shared a funny story during his mindfulness training.

One morning at the monastery. His Zen master was at the table, eating his breakfast and reading the morning paper.

A student came up and remarked, “Didn’t you say that ‘when you sit, just sit. When you eat, just eat.’ What is this thing about eating and reading?”

The Zen master looked up and replied, “when you eat and read, just eat and read.”

Jack’s story points out that mindfulness doesn’t mean you can’t multitask. And it’s certainly not about single-tasking or exercising or meditation.

It is the possibility of ease, at any moment. And in today’s culture, we have temporarily forgotten about it.

Mindfulness teaching brings that to our awareness, a set-point of how it feels like, a diagnosis tool when we are not, and a reminder of the option we can change it.

And of course, sometimes the best thing to do is to just eat and read.

When we say happiness, perhaps there are self-critical thoughts that are bothering us. Or is it that why living the best lives outside, doesn’t feel so inside?

When we say we don’t feel love, maybe what we want is closeness. Or is it that you are not yourself in the relationship or that the relationship does not support your growth and development? All different ways not to feel love.

Googling can find us many things, only if you know what we are looking for.