• Make the person feel twice the pain that they made you feel.
• Become a person of vengeance.
• Don’t come to a solution.
• Never to talk to the person again.

Think about it: Once it becomes a heated discussion, no one is going to listen. We are crouching in defence, ready to pounce on any flaws in the argument.

What if instead, of saying… you are irresponsible, we say the action you are taking is telling us a story that you are irresponsible? Or we say the action you are making is causing us to feel that you are lazy?

What difference would it make to an argument, or should I say, conversation?

Apology, at its core, is not about taking responsibility. It’s not about figuring out who’s right. It’s not for finding solutions (although that can be helpful). The apology is about repairing connections. 

The other option is simple — walk away and cut off all future interactions.

No one is immune to error (not even a perfectionist). When humans interact and something goes wrong, the apology builds a bridge that enables us to move forward. 

It’s not easy to find the strength and allow yourself to feel vulnerable, but no one said that it was easy. We do it because it’s worth it.

Next time when you give an apology, ask “how can I repair the connection?”

[Why Won’t You Apologize? is a guidebook for anyone seeking to offer a heartfelt apology. Please read this before you apologize.]

“Fair” is a useless concept and it is often an unhelpful narrative. What is fair is is hugely at variance from 100 years ago.

Our society tolerates gross unfairness every day. It tolerates misogyny, racism and the careless indifference to those born without privilege.

We have to remember that change is not made by shouting “unfair”. It is a hard and slow work of understanding, trust and commitment.

Fair has come a long way and it is made possible by people no smarter than you. We share stories of a different future, of how things could be better, of how to do it, one person at a time. We show up.

Fair is not a complaint. Fair is work. Fair because it is better.

Thank you Daryl Davis for showing me a different way.

Funny how the phone was never an enemy before, but it is now. Today, the phone has become more interesting than reality. We are constantly being distracted by it. And we can’t put it down.

Too often, we bought the belief that there’s some sort of evilness in technology. We blame the phone.

Yet, we also realise that we have the power to delete any apps on our phones. There are tools like the Pomodoro technique, freedom app and the light phone.

As we transit from the industrial (do what you are told) age, perhaps the real problem is not your phone. It is choices. Each of us gets the same amount of attention to spend each day. It’s a competitive advantage to figure out how to focus it to get something done.

Instead of being entertain by the phone, what do you choose to do instead?

Nobody has a calling. You pick along the way. You pick it because it comes with prizes, a way of connecting with the world.

The bad news is there is an unlimited amount of great paths. And we get stuck.

The good news is that you don’t have to own it because no one is keeping track in a book. No one is up there saying you need to keep at it.

Begin. The first choice, any choice. Ask a friend to pick. Make the smallest possible contribution.

There are hairdressers and barbers who are as effective as a therapist in changing someone’s else life. You don’t need a degree.

You can simply begin changing people’s lives. The warper. The warper doesn’t matter so much.

A calling is simply an act you call because of all the gift it provides, looking backwards. To find a calling, simply begin.

There is an old English rule that states active voice is better than passive voice. Well, that rule is wrong – and this is an article of why following rules are not always a good idea.

Simply rephrase.

“Teacher Amy says that active voice is always better than passive voice. Well, she is wrong – and this is the article why listening to rules are not always a good idea.”

Written in an active voice, we bring up an unnecessary character, teacher Amy who – might have good intentions – but forgets to explain why we should follow such a rule.

Active voice
Mary will eat the pizza, beware.
I shall always remember my first visit to Boston.
The reason he left college was that his health became impaired.
It was not long before she was sorry that she had said what she had.

Passive voice
The pizza will be eaten by Mary, beware.
My first visit to Boston will always be remembered.
Failing health urged him to leave college.
She soon felt sorry for her words.

An active voice is when the actor (subject) is in front of the action (verb) and the thing/person (object) that’s receiving the action. And that is how our brain understands cause and effect, not effect and cause. Hence, making it easier for you, the reader to understand.

An active voice also makes the sentence shorter and it usually becomes stronger. Brevity becomes a by-product of strength, making the sentence direct, bold and concise.

But at times, telling the truth is dangerous. So, we might want to hide the subject. Instead of telling your boss “you did not send me the cheque”, we might want to say “my cheque did not arrive”.

Active voice is powerful. Use it cautiously and with awareness. Lesson over.