Many people believe the world is flat.

30 years ago, bread was at the bottom of the healthy food pyramid.

If you want to start a fight with your parents, say that bread is terrible for breakfast.

What’s been true is that human beings have emotions and feelings and stories. When we decide on something, we find more stories to support that belief.

It’s fine but we have to make sure our beliefs don’t hurt other people.

A civil society, that works for all of us, where you can have your feelings and stories.

The tradeoff is, there are certain things that we don’t do.

Because if we do them regardless, civil society won’t work. We slide back to shouting matches and nuclear countdown.

As grownups who are aware enough, we ought to be able to say, there’s a difference between our feelings and the way things are.

Where we get into trouble, is when we insist that the way things have to match our feelings and beliefs. And we always start with our feelings.

Yes, you’re entitled to your feelings.

Would you still want to be, if your feelings hurt this civil society that we’ve worked so hard to build?

People get skittish when putting a price tag on their work.

At the back of their mind, they are saying, Well I would never pay this much money for this, so why would they pay this much?

Well, fine. But it’s not for you.

You’re the person who made it, but you’re not the person who is going to buy it.

Think of your favourite cafe, it probably doesn’t sell the cheapest coffee. Were they afraid to tell you that they cost more? Why do you go get your coffee there?

You go because it is worth paying extra for. It could be their music taste, the smell of fresh coffee, the beautiful interior, or the welcoming smile.

If you’re an origami expert, the problem is there’s no demand for anyone to pay $10,000 for an Origami Swan. But, if it turns out that you discover that there is a lot of unproductive meeting going on at Apple or Google. And, when the hands are busy, the brain is freed up to be creative. There, you could make a living being an Origami meeting facilitator.

Or consider coaching. Someone in their first startup who has yet to launch their product, he won’t feel comfortable paying you $100/h for your advice. However, the CEO of a billion-dollar company, where one wrong decision can cost millions, she would happily pay more than $10,000/month (example, 1).

Your work is to see the person for who they are, tell a story that resonates and help people feel good about their decision. Why are you worth more than what you are asking for?

If you feel skittish, you probably haven’t understood the people you are trying to serve. What story are people telling themselves?

It’s more about them than it’s about you.

Sorry doesn’t have to mean that you agree and would change the way you do things. Although, it could.

Sorry could mean… stop bothering me.

Sorry could mean… I need to resolve my guilt for losing your money so please accept my apology.

Sorry could mean… you’re annoying me. Please shut up.

Sorry could mean… I want to see what is frustrating for you. Maybe I might be missing something.

Sorry could mean… [fill in the blank] forced me to tell you this, but I don’t really feel like it.

Sorry could mean… that I resonate with your pain and your loss.

Sorry could mean… I want to put aside my ego because I value this relationship. I want to make this work.

Choose the kind of sorry that helps you get to where you want to go. Act accordingly.

The worst case is not deciding what you really want and saying it for the sake of it.

Sorry. No, I’m not sorry. Thank you very much.

You believe in your project idea. There is no way to bootstrap it and you need funding. The question is, from whom?

From professional investors or from amateur investors? They are totally different people doing it for totally different reasons.

Almost all charities are funded by amateur investors. Wikipedia, Kickstarter projects, cultural movements (Pink Dot) and a certain kind of scientific research. They are called donors.

The minute a professional invests in your company, they are counting the days until you sell it. Because that is the only way they can get a win. So the day you take a dollar, is the day you pre-sold your company. And it can be really stressful.

Amateur investors are a much better idea. Because you can deliver on the promise that “this is going to be interesting”. You can’t necessarily deliver on the promise of “We are going public.”

They say “You mean I get to get the first edition of the product? See how you design it, come for the opening party and it’s only 15,000 dollars? I’m in!” And if you found the right kind of these people, the energy they bring can be worth more than money.

Right now you are in charge of how much of your life you want to sell to your investor.

Do the thing that permits you to do your work, instead of playing a game that isn’t your game.

It’s true that being non-judgemental fosters trust and vulnerability.

The intention is right. It is to create conditions that allow people to be comfortable expressing themselves.

However, if you are showing a poker face (to be professional) and expecting the person opposite you to share their vulnerable moments, this won’t work.

You are demonstrating the opposite of humanity and vulnerability and trust.

Here 3 things to share your judgments and foster trust.

1. My judgments are my judgments.
2. It is more about me than about you.
3. I will not assume my judgment is right. I will question them.

Safe space should not be a judgment-free zone. Instead, judgments are welcomed, as it’s part of the human experience. Own it lightly. Question its validity.

To better safe spaces