The first time I experienced a funk, my life was going great. I was healthy, traveling the world, working remotely for only 2 hours a day. Something just felt off and I didn’t know why. It took a year before I got the help I needed.

I could have saved myself months of mental agony.

Many friends (1, 2, and many more) also went through similar experiences, they wished they had gotten the help they needed sooner.

The way I see it, the abundance of information on (therapy modalities, psychology issues and resources) can lead to choice paralysis. On one hand, there is much help available. But when I am tired, hopeless, live in a society with a mental health stigma, and a never-ending to-do list, I am unable to take action.

My hope for this piece is to paint a map of the kinds of help available, to ease the decision-making process, and start the journey out of The Funk. No matter if you’re anxious, depressed, lost, suicidal, or stuck in an abusive relationship or job, I believe there is help out there.

There are two main forms of help available – coaching and therapy. By far, the biggest difference between coaching and therapy is the outcome and the approach. Coaches help clarify goals, point out obstacles, and co-design a plan of action. Depending on each coach’s specialization, they range from sports, business leadership, to performing arts and life transitions.

Licensed therapists are trained to diagnose and treat mental conditions from the DSM-5 or ICD (which gets updated as new scientific discoveries are found). They focus on mental health, relationship and emotional issues. Therapists tend to work with clients on a long-term basis, and the therapeutic long-term relationship is used to build trust and facilitate healing. It’s vital to find someone you feel comfortable with.

A simple difference is that coaching is more about goals. Therapy is more about healing. That said, goals and healing can be interrelated. For example, someone who wants to lose weight is unable to stick to a diet, because food is the way to remember the love of their late mother. And when this unsolved grief is understood and healed, career and relationship can get better too. Depending on the obstacles that are in the way, different methods and therapists can be considered.

Coaching is an unregulated industry, which means there is no policing. Anyone can call themselves a coach with no training or experience. Compared to a licensed therapist who goes through 3-4 years of training and passes their exams.

If you’re looking for a great therapist or coach, qualification is essential, but chemistry is more important. I recommend trying out at least 3 before deciding. Book trial sessions and journal about your experience. Get a feel of who would be better for you. That’s how I find my coach, Christina.

As for cost, coaches charge from $100 – $2,000 per hour (example). Licensed therapists charge from $35 – $400 per hour, depending on subsidies and experience.

There are also therapists who became coaches (example, example, example) and vice versa, coaches who learn about therapist modality (example, example). These small groups of people, who combine and use different techniques, can be very effective.

Another 2 terms worth noting are psychiatrist and counselor. Counselor and therapist can be used interchangeably, but only a psychiatrist can issue medication. Hence, a great psychiatrist can find the right balance of medications, and provide therapy.

There were 452 suicides in Singapore in 2020. One in five American adults experience mental illness each year. When you’re depressed, helpless and feel like you have nothing left, wasting your energy on the wrong kind of support can be costly and frustrating.

On a system level, we need to find better words that accurately label issues. A way to capture past testimonials, recognised and trusted by the culture, like Google or Amazon reviews. System solution for a system solution.

What do you do from here? Book a trial session with 2-3 therapists or coaches. Compare their analysis of your situation and suggested recommendations. Based on that, decide on the help that feels best for you.

I hope this can serve as a guide you in the right direction, save some money and get you the support you need.

In parting, I know that it can be difficult or even scary to ask for help, I was there. But remember, your loved ones care for you. You are offering them a branch to know you, help you and be closer to you. They don’t know if you don’t tell them. Reach out to your friends, tell them you like their support, and make time for them. Give your friends an opportunity to care for you. You matter.

1. https://www.psychiatry.org/psychiatrists/practice/dsm
2. https://instituteofcoaching.org/about/kauffman-carol
3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/basics/therapy/therapy-types-and-modalities
4. https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/

And if you have a friend in despair, hold their hand through this, call them, and add them as a recurring event in your calendar. They would appreciate it, more than they know.

Special thanks to Pranay, Winifred, Abby, Amy, Lin, Jane, Jeane, Mitch and Munidasa.

All mistakes are my own.

A stranger changed my life. And we have never met in person. She cared for me into caring, and loved me into loving. She is more than my coach, she is a friend, a council, a thought partner and a refuge.

And I hope one day, I will be able to see her in person.

Years ago, I was successful. I had a business that paid me well, working remotely for 2h a day, and traveling around California in a camper that I built. I had everything but I wasn’t happy. Something was missing.

Christina changed that for me. Little did I know, this person could help figure it out and more. I want to share the possibility of a person like her. And hope you will be able to find a Christina for yourself. (Thank you, Nina and Carly).

She asked questions that pierced to the heart of the matter. Stayed with me in silence as I found words to speak my truth.

She listened to my messiness, without judgment. Always giving an extra beat, waiting for more. Pulled out the essence, told it back to me, then pointed out true things I never knew about myself.

I couldn’t afford her rates and asked for an assessment. A fixed fee. It’s not something she does, but she did. At the end of that, she asked if I had anyone that could continue the work. I didn’t. Not blinking, she offered to waive the assessment and use it on our first month. I cried. The second month, she took a huge pay cut to continue our journey.

I told her I was touched by her kindness and that I teared up after our conversation. She rejoiced with me.

When I didn’t believe in myself, she stayed with me in that liminal space. Holding a torch. Believing in me, until I believed.

I sought her advice on her books, courses, articles, journal prompts to help me get to my goals. She didn’t ask the coaching-esque question “What do you feel is best?” She answered my questions, gave her recommendations and her analysis. And if I chose something else, she never got offended one bit. She saved me from going in circles, for months or years.

She set my pace, and saved me from doing too much and getting nowhere.

When I told her about my insensitivity to the deaths of the people in 911, she challenged me. Now, I got to know emotions about myself that I never knew existed.

When I asked her about other coaches and courses that I was considering, she never got offended. Opposite, she celebrated and helped me find the right coach and help I needed.

She comes from a place of plenty, and was not dear about her identity nor our paid relationship.

I told her about my strained relationship with my parents. She made me see that they cared about me too. And that my parents, like me, were doing the best that we could.

When she was going through a life-threatening treatment, I told her that I might be around her area soon and how I “love to see you, if you’re still alive.” (I’m sorry) “Did you say it as a joke?” she asked. She didn’t leave the conversation. She assumed my highest intent and gave space for me. I learned a lesson about forgiveness and grace. That call went on to be one of the best conversations of that year.

We talked about money, family, sex, dating, death, contracts, mentors, friendship, and values. I have never met a person who could talk with me at that depth, and that range, and such grace.

She did not need to do all this, but she did. She went out of her way and she made magic for me. The magic in humanity. While the rest of the world operates on even Steven, she doesn’t. And because of her, I don’t anymore.

The postures of generosity always comes back in magical ways. I believe now.

Christina is my coach. She is my friend, my teacher, my thought partner, my council, my refuge.

I hope one day I will be able to see her in person. And I hope you’ll find a person like Christina, for yourself. It’s possible.

Thank you, Christina.

Sugar

Porn

Alcohol

Entertainment

Social media

News

Emails

Messages

Tinder matches

Parties invitations

Books

Friends

Aloneness

Comparing

Choices

The last generation problem was about not enough. The new generation problem is about too much.

How do you deal with each one of them?

In the last book you read, what did you learn?

Is there anything you do differently?

As they say, inspiration without action is entertainment.

More information is hiding.

It’s fine if it’s entertainment, just be sure to enjoy the read.

If you’re powering through (and it’s not for school), another book is waiting for you.

Enjoy your book, skim it, drop it, or use it to make a difference.

Powering through is not required.