I hope we can all agree that it is impossible to make the sun rise an hour later. Or to walk through a wall.
These are situations and we work around them.
Problems, however, have solutions. We can change them with our will. Curtain and doors are solutions.
Mixing up situations with problems causes unnecessary pain or missed opportunities.
When we are stuck, it might be worth it to figure out if it’s first a problem or a situation.
2 things worth seeking out in a long-term partner (and friends too).
Engagement – are you more interested in your phone or connecting with this person?
Energy – after connecting with this person, do you feel more (or less) energized?
If relationships are made of interactions, this allows an upward cycle of positive contribution. An engine of renewal when 2 people come together.
Of course, attraction, self-awareness, growth, communication, kindness and integrity matter too.
But if we look carefully, what are all these traits in service of?
And for the big secret, who do you need to be, to be worthy of such a partner?
Is this art or engineering?
If you are building a bridge, you better be certain about the maximum load.
But if you are writing a song giving voice to a social movement. Or a speech to get under the skin and move people to action.
We can’t guarantee it’s going to work.
With good taste and practice, we might get close.
But expecting success at every turn, is a recipe for unhappiness. Or worse, we give up because it didn’t succeed.
The only thing promised when making art, is the opportunity to do work that matters for people who care.
Whether you’re a writer, therapist, coach or dancing at the edge of any field, you’re making art.
And the first step to a happier work life is to be clear on your act.
I’ve been thinking… friends are kind of a magical affair.
Someone who is always curious about what you have to say… turning turning and turning towards you (perhaps they are just as curious about the topics, depth and the way you think).
You call them up, when you are in need (and they do the same). They got your back and you got theirs.
Things that feel embarrassed to share, but you share anyways. Someone that you can be messy with.
They care about you… in a way that you want to be cared for.
Sometimes, in my busy world, I wonder who am I this person for?
Simon Sinek has done really cool work. But it’s been misused by cooperation all around the world.
A car dealership might buy Start with Why and declare “Our purpose is to allow people to flourish by giving them modes of transportation.”
No, it’s not. Your purpose is to make a profit going to work. Because if the dealership didn’t open, people would still have cars. (And that’s fine.)
Purpose shouldn’t be a clever excuse for justifying the thing you’re going to do anyway.
Purpose is emotional and fundamental.
A incongruent purpose weakens the foundation of trust and begins a downward spiral.
[From the excellent interview of Seth Godin and Michelle Florendo]
Of course, if you invested in real estate, Amazon or the Turnips way back then, you’ll be making bank.
The Crypto market is at an all-time low now, as of Jun 22. Would you invest?
Well, what about the risk, capital and insight required.
When we factor all that in, I’m not sure if it’s really a shortcut.
When we reach a huge goal, we celebrate and pocket the trophy. The goal becomes a relic.
Onward, to the next level. Until it isn’t so clear anymore.
When we went to the moon, won the Olympics, or sold our company.
The next day, the big high comes with a big low. The lack of direction from the goal.
As we chase the pleasure, we reward ourselves with holidays, new toys and margaritas. Yet, the level of pleasure falls short. The hedonic treadmill sets in and the problem begins.
Adding to confusion and disability to get the same intensity of pleasure, the empty space brings up issues that we’ve been suppressing, as we chase the big goal.
Is it to ride the discomfort that comes from the lack of goals and reset? To re-think the purpose of life? To design a life and an identity you’re proud of? To heal our traumas? Solve another big problem?
The paradox of choice is real.
I imagine being addicted to easy short-term dopamine, losing motivation, and getting stuck to the couch is a downward spiral. The pleasure from sugar, alcohol, video games, social media drugs, screens, books, podcasts, TED talks and porn.
An exploration of the issues at play. No real answers.
[Thank you Alvin for turning me on to Andrew Huberman on Dopamine.]
“I always thought burnout happened when you work too much. Now I get it. It’s investing emotionally and then not getting a return on that investment.” — @spamaps
"If you're expecting a reward and you don't get it, dopamine levels fall steeply." (via Psychology Today)
My burnout was not from physical tiredness. It’s caring and investing and hoping for things and not getting that. Over and over again.
I slept a lot. I stopped writing. I stop making the podcast. I stop learning. And it didn’t help one bit.
I went through many diagnoses. I thought it was grief. I thought it was languishing. I thought I’m working on the wrong project.
“Burnout” isn’t some make-yourself-feel-better-because-you’re-unmotivated sort of term, meant to give you comfort when you’re stuck in a rut or feeling down, stressed and unmotivated for weeks on end." @teaNreflection
I have tried living alone, psychedelic retreat and alternative therapy (focusing). My obsessive nature compounded the number of possible diagnoses and solutions. Adding to this, I didn’t have the vocabulary to name my symptoms. I am functional on the outside and easily irritated.
My sense of self, my preference and my opinion are gone. I’m like a dead log floating downstream. I feel disengaged with everything. The things that brought me joy, don’t anymore. Food, music, podcast and learning.
I rest well. And since I don’t have a sleeping problem, I sleep a lot. 12 hours a day, lazing around, naps. I keep work to a minimum. I wake up for small meals. I keep up a walking and yoga routine. I meet my parents and friends. The rest of the time, I slept.
I really wish I can get back to my usual vibrant self. But I can’t. I don’t know why and how. Not knowing if and how to get better is the scariest part. I imagine it’s the same for depression, grief or other chronic illness.
For the first time in my life, I don’t know how to dig myself out of the hole. And I look perfectly fine and privileged on the outside. Traveling, running a successful lifestyle business.
I hope writing out this experience will give an expanded perspective of burnout and how you could help yourself too.
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