Maybe.

Being emotionally intelligent certainly can be useful. It is to use these rich data set of emotions (about yourself and others) to make informed decisions.

It may very well be that you don’t think you have feelings and that you are a machine. But it’s entirely possible you have them and you are pushing them aside to “be productive”.

We get frustrated when we don’t understand why people act the way they do.

Hint: frustration is an emotion too.

But until you can accept the existence of emotions, you will not have access to this set of information, to make informed choices.

Chances are, you are working with humans, not machines. And you might be a human too.

Martin Lindstrom shared an incredible story of a simple trick that reduce hundreds of emails a day and creates an upward spiral of change.

Here’s the story.

“So we work for one of the largest banks in the world, and I had this workshop with around 800 executives in the meeting. And one guy said to me, “I’m so frustrated working as a banker.”

I said, “What frustrates you the most?”

He said, “What frustrates me the most is emails. I get 800 emails every day.”

I said, “Would you like to change that?”

And he said, “Absolutely. I’d like to get rid of it.”

So I said, “Are you aware there’s a direct correlation between the number of emails you send and the number of emails you receive? So here’s my idea: Why don’t we get rid of the CC button and the reply all button in Outlook?”

And of course, the folks in compliance said, “Oh, you can’t do it. No, we will always see the CCs,” and all this stuff.

I said, “Frankly, all you guys in this room, how many of you actually ever read those CCs?” And not a single hand was raised.

I’m not kidding. Not a single hand. So we did it for three months–ninety days. After ninety days, the number of emails had dropped from 800 to 362 emails per person on average. This is a true number, and it has zero complaints. And that became almost the first piece of evidence within the organization, that change is possible.”

What wasn’t shared in the story is the idea of the availability bias (What you see is all there is). That we are really not aware of the information that we don’t have. And that it matters enormously. For this bank, it is this little hack.

Our beliefs, choices and habits are made by options we are aware of. And because we think we know the answer. We stop looking.

Even if we know of the bias, it’s a struggle trading attention (which is in scarce demand) for a slim chance of making things better.

If you’re a change maker, it is the enrolment process. What do you need to do to help people see that’s it’s worth the effort to change their mind.

If you’re an agent of change, it is to know you are operating under imperfect information and perhaps the next idea might change your life. If you’re open to it.

This is the best way → this is the best way for me but it might not be for you

My way is the only way to solve the problem → my way is a way to solve the problem

You should not do that → I won’t recommend that because of these reasons

Oversimplification → Simple enough and accurate

Success by luck → success by understanding and skill

Because the law/society/parent says so → because I’ve examined it and believe this as a better way for these reasons

I am at the effect of people, circumstances and environment → I have the agency to change my reality

I’m in control of my reality → I’m in control of some parts but not everything

Feelings are useless → feelings are additional data for decision making

We should desire one main thing (happiness, money, success, sex) → we have many desires and sometimes they are in conflict

Being an adult is more complicated than you think. The good news is the sooner you embrace it, the more accurate you’ll be, the faster you’ll get to where you want to go.

Thank you for championing the adult development theory, Jennifer.

You know what’s delicious when we taste it. But can you explain why?

It’s certainly not the ingredients (there are many terrible dishes with the same ingredients).

Nor it is the chef.

There are chefs who create amazing dishes, mostly by intuition. And if you are good at asking questions and deciphering answers, sure, you’ll learn something.

I’m not sure if any of the chef can teach as elegantly as Samin Nosrat.

A great chef might not be a great teacher. Intuition is not pedagogy. Similarly, a Pulitzer writer, a Nobel scientist or an olympian. Teaching is a whole different set of skills. It’s enrollment, empathy, flexibility and communication.

Choose your teachers. Choose your future.

It’s pretty silly to micro-manage people you choose to help you.

1) It takes a lot of your time which defeats the point of hiring.

2) It interrupts workflow and business operation.

3) The best people get demotivated and go away. Back to point 1.

Perhaps at some point, you were let down by someone. And in order to prevent future hurt, you decided not to trust until someone has themselves proven worthy.

But as Bill Laizer points out to Jim Collins, the other bet is to assume that someone is trustworthy until proven wrong. Yes, you would be let down at times. So protect your downside. And the upside is that when you find someone who is trustworthy, they will rise to it.

Even more so, have you also considered the possibility that, because you trust them on the outset, they are more likely to become trustworthy?

There are two approaches to relationships in life, (1) take life as a series of transactions, or (2) take life as building relationships. And the cornerstone of relationships is trust.

What is your trust wager?

This article has become more like a rant than I like to it be, but I thought it’s worth sharing.

A few months ago, I signed up for a co-working space.

And of course, like all salespeople whose job is on the line, wants to help. They want the sale, and I need like their help.

But the test really begins after the sale.

Doing my business in the toilet, I looked up and saw a poster, “Feedback is a gift”.

As an enthusiastic first-timer, I made a list of feedback and improvement to share.

How about adding a locker? Turning on the AC for the weekend? Putting up clear directions to avoid wrong entry? There’s a member disturbing the silence in the common area. Can I help open the door for the delivery person when the staff is out for lunch? The card does not work despite booking on the app. The list goes on…

As feedback goes, the replies come.

“We can’t turn on the ac because it’s expensive and we had an agreement with the landlord already.”

“We can’t add a locker because carpentry is expensive too. But what about a portable lock? Here’s a used one on Carousell and I’m happy to pay for it.:

“We can’t fire that client who is making a lot of noise because he’s paying good money for the corner office downstairs.”

“Well, you can’t access this location because you booked multiple locations at the same time. You should book one, check-in, then book the other location. The app is not buggy, you’re using it wrong.”

“Your keycard doesn’t work at this door because most members don’t use this door anyways. Just don’t use this door.”

After a few of these, I learned that it’s heartbreaking to be rejected. It’s a waste of my emotional labor and time to make the system better. My feedback matters as much as it is a SOP.

What started as a marketing feature, as a human-to-human connection, turned into an operational cost. That thing that made people come in the door is not an extra line in the balance sheet.

The care that was used to build the organization has left the building.

And what’s left is the poster in the toilet saying “Feedback is a gift”.

Plan for their departure.

1. You will design a job that people want to get and want to stay (hint: it’s not just about the money).
2. You will interview for fit instead of rushing to put bodies to work resulting in the right hire.
3. You will be a better manager as you care about them more than manipulating them to stay.
4. You appreciate them and their work. And people like working with those who appreciate them.
5. Happy people make for happy co-workers which makes a happy culture.
6. You will have a smooth operation instead of an overtime burnout workforce backfilling a missing position.

This is the opposite of a non-complete clause, a future salary bonus, or the hope of a potential promotion. These are fear-based tactics and it works.

No, not for the long run. Not for the best people doing their best work. Not for kind of people who are creative, great to work with and resourceful. They are sought after. These are people who have opportunities already lined up.

Counter-intuitively, for your employee to be with you for the long run, is to plan and celebrate their departure because the ultimate secret weapon is care.

When you get into the mindset of giving it, some of it will come back your way.