You don’t need to look very far to realise that the correlation between happiness and success isn’t what you might’ve guessed.
It’s super rare to bump into millionaires who are happy. They can buy all the things they want. Yet we see many who kill themselves, even with money in the bank.
In fact, accquiring things almost never gives us happiness because we stop desiring it immediately. The things become part of our life; we forget about it. We move on and look for the next thing to desire.
And almost as rare, are the people in poverty who are depressed. The kids in Thailand and Cambodia playing in the dirty river, are some of the happiest kids I’ve ever seen in my life.
What we are taught in school is a linear direction of desire. Good grades, great college, a high paying job, a car, a partner, and a house.
What happens when you get to the top? Maybe a bigger house? More friends; cooler friends?
If you want to find happiness, there are two questions:
1) What is happiness to you?
2) Is that sustainable?
External things are unrelated, except for one reason: have enough till you’re comfortable. The thrill of a next level disappears quickly, but the pain of not getting what you want lasts a very long time.
####
The photo was taken in Manazura, Japan – where I learnt the design code of the town.
Years ago, I was 23 years old, I had nothing under my belt – no companies, no money, no rings (still none). But, I had a dream. I wanted to run my own wedding planning studio.
I spent months to decide on a business name, design a logo, and make a website. It’s done, it’s called Beautiful Gatherings.
I had to convince people to trust me with the most important day of their life, their wedding. And pay me for it.
I can’t tell them my gender – every other person in the business is the opposite sex.
I can’t tell them my age – they would think I’m too young.
I can’t tell them I’m not married – they would think I don’t have experience.
So, I came up with the idea to keep a goatee. It worked, it gave me confidence. This is me, Bryan the wedding planner with the goatee.
I became one of the top 10 wedding planners in town.
Onwards, I proceeded to give the wedding studio away, founded an animation studio, started a podcast, and a Youtube channel.
At 28 years old, I want to start dating. So, I sought advice from my female friend. She told me to shave off the goatee.
I said to myself, “Not the goatee! I love it, I became a great wedding planner because of it.”
I asked another friend. And another. They all said the same thing.
So, I shaved it off grudgingly.
I finally realised that it’s an identity that I’ve been defending but it is no longer serving its purpose. I have no reason to keep my goatee, it became useless. What got me here is stopping me from getting me there. I had to keep my identity small. The plan is to hold on to as few things as possible.
Do you have an identity or label that you are holding on and it is holding you back?
####
The photo was taken in at a house party where I was couchsurfing in Oakland, California.
JR Hinds is the owner of Hinds and Associates, specialising in employer-sponsored health insurance plans. Today, over 90% of his business is developed through referrals.
He has a private pilot’s license and flies a Cessna 172. He also jumped out of an airplane twice (but never one that he was flying).
JR rappelled down the building the day before his wedding day and threw a surprise wedding for his 50 guests.
One of his favourite things to do is to spend time with his 4 nephews and his niece.
In this conversation, we spoke about
Learnings from the World Domination Summit
Conference hacking
JR’s personal mission statement
and much more!
JR apologise for the wrong mention of “Yes Marsha Marsha”. It’s Yes Yes Marsha.
There was a lot of nervous laughter in this episode – mainly from me. Listen to the podcast to know why.
I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
Click “continue reading” for the link and show notes…
QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favourite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Show Notes
The story of how JR and Bryan met [00:48]
What did JR and Bryan learnt from the World Domination Summit [11:06]
Why did JR transformed his life-insurance revenue stream into an employee health insurance? [01:15:09]
JR shares his insurance business referral system [01:23:15]
JR personal introspection routine [01:30:49]
Please leave an honest review for Misfits Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them.
Special thanks to JR. A new friend. Hope we meet again soon!
“I don’t think we ask deep enough questions and give young people enough credit for being able to have those answer within themselves.” – Michelle Jones
Michelle Jones is the founder of a higher education institution, Wayfinding Academy. It is a new 2-year college aiming to revolutionize higher education. They have been approved to offer Associate’s degrees by Oregon’s Higher Education Coordinating Commission.
She has taught in traditional colleges for 15 years. Some of the institutions include (but not limited to) Boston University, University of New Mexico and Concordia University of Portland.
Michelle is also the organizer of TEDx Mt Hood for the last 8 years.
Wayfinding Academy is currently having a GoFundMe crowdfunding campaign from June 17th – July 27th to raise $60,000. Thier goals are to double their student body size, launch a second program, and impact twice as many lives. Donate here. (I have made a donation of $250.)
In the podcast episode [02:40:00], you can listen to a conversation with a student (Meg Lamberger) of the Wayfinding Academy about her experiences.
Enjoy this incredible conversation! It was very eye-opening for me.
In this conversation, we spoke about
How Michelle started Wayfinding Academy with a personal budget of $15,000 for 2 years
Why Wayfinding Academy doesn’t have grades
The importance of guides in a student’s growth
and much more!
If you’ve only got 2 minutes, here’s a short video – Put it Online or Not?
Click “continue reading” for the link and show notes…
QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favourite lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Show Notes
How did Michelle get the title of “magician” at the World Domination Summit [01:00]
What gave Michelle the impetus to start the Wayfinding Academy [09:55]
Did Michelle face any self-doubt before starting the Wayfinding Academy [26:55]
The journey of Wayfinding Academy’s Crowdfunding Campaign [37:52]
How does Michelle’s personal financial plan look like before embarking on starting Wayfinding Academy [51:16]
Why did Michelle choose to live in a tiny house? [55:33]
How does Michelle introduce the Wayfinding Academy to a parent? [01:08:42]
Why did Michelle decide to categorise Wayfinding Academy as a non-profit organisation? [01:20:55]
Why did Wayfinding Academy remove grading? [01:25:22]
What’s the philosophy behind the curriculum planning of Wayfinding Academy? [01:34:26]
Michelle explains her philosophy behind optimum class size and community size [01:41:04]
How does Wayfinding Academy explore the question of “Who are you?” [01:45:50]
What does Michelle look for when hiring “Guides” for Wayfinding Academy [01:52:00]
How do “Guides” get matched with the students? [01:57:39]
How did Wayfinding Academy spend $200,000 from the first crowdfunding campaign? [02:09:25]
What is Lifelong Wayfinding? [02:19:01]
Interview with Wayfinding Year 1 student, Meg Lamberger [02:50:00]
And if you have any experience with anything we talked about, I’d love for you to open up in the comments.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post.
Share your story in the comments.
Also, please leave an honest review for Misfits Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them.
6 years ago, I was an admin clerk in an army camp.
To be honest, it could have been a great job but I landed with the wrong Company Sergeant Major: I stayed in-camp while watching my clerk friends go home every day. In case you are wondering, the computer was not connected to any internet and my only luxury was a “dumb” Nokia phone. I made a total of $500 each month. That life, for 2 years.
Somehow, I managed to save $10,000 while moonlighting on the weekend. I used that money and backpacked around the world for a year. It changed my life. (I highly recommend everyone to do that once in their life.)
After coming home, I took my interest in wedding planning and started a studio, Beautiful Gatherings. One thing led to another, I became one of the top 10 wedding planners in Singapore and now, I run an animation studio.
I thought an appropriate end of this chapter would be to share 10 lessons I learned along this journey (More on the chapter-ending next.)
Stop Growing my Business
I once interviewed a hospitality mogul. After the interview, he said to me: “Bryan, I’m so jealous of you. You can just take off anytime and travel anywhere”.
Did he felt trapped by the business of his own making?
It made me reflect: “What the most important point of the business?”
It is to produce capital. The capital to do what I love to do. Period.
How much? It is $5,000 a month for me.
How about you? Everyone should have a different number because we are in different situation. Do you know what is enough for you?
But what if you love what you do?
Then why not do it for free? There is less pressure anyway.
Don’t let the business become the golden handcuffs.
Do It For Free (or Charge in Full)
“I only have a small budget.”
These are dreadful words for any professional freelancer.
Because let’s face it, I hate feeling that I need to lower my rates. I enter a negotiation with a friend that I genuinely want to help.
What if I give a big discount and they demand the world?
Don’t negotiate – it’s a lose-lose situation.
So, when I have made enough for the month and I want to help. I say this:
“Here are my usual rates. But I know you have a small budget, why don’t I do for free? It’s on me. You can repay me the next time:)“
This is professional. This saves time. This allows me to assume the posture of generosity.
Stop Selling, Start Caring
Smart people don’t want to be sold to. They want to be informed.
I used to work as a part-time emcee for many banks. My job was to gather the crowd for the financial advisor to “close the sales”. I was incentivised to “keep my mouth shut” while knowing another bank is offering a better plan.
Imagine that the client finding out…
The bank might have won the sale but definitely lost a client.
Today, my focus is to solve the client’s problem with the best possible solution. If I happen to provide the best solution, great. If not, I would advise a better solution, if that means recommending them to my competitors.
In a world full of salesmen, care cuts through the noise. And that is how I create recurring sales.
Fire my Clients
This is one of the hardest lessons that I need to learn as a business owner.
After spending a huge effort to win a client, I find out that he is a rare breed of energy-draining vampire.
I proceed and go into energy deficit – devising ways to end the job swiftly.
What is the fastest way? fire the client.
I even came up with a script to help me do so easier.
“I’m writing with a situation today. As you know, back in September I agreed to create the video for Cama Beds. When I said yes, I fully believed I had the ability to do a great job.
In October, we had developed the vision for this video project. While I love the new vision, I don’t have ability and bandwidth to commit.
It pains me to say this, but I need to step down from this commitment. The project deserves an incredible team and I’m sorry I’m not able to deliver as I thought I could.
I apologise for causing the project an inconvenience and likely a delay. I will do a full refund and you can take what we’ve done together to a more experienced team.
Let me know if there are any questions I can answer or any other way I can support the project moving ahead.”
Sometimes, they are just not worth the money.
Give Questions, Not Answers
I am a compulsive problem solver. I even solve problems that people don’t want solving.
When running a small company, I have the solutions to most problems. But when I give the solution, people come back to me with similar problems.
Why? I believe our brain defaults to conserve energy. After the getting the solution, we stop thinking.
Now, I respond: “Would you like to walk me through on how you solve the problem? I’ll fill in the gaps.”
It’s hard to craft questions to poke holes at thinking and lead people to answers. It’s easier to give the answer, at the sacrifice of an opportunity to learn.
If you want to teach, questions are more powerful than answers.
Stop Selling the Humble Pie
“Oh no, I just got lucky.”
As a Chinese, I am taught by my parents to be humble.
But being humble is not helpful. It ends the conversation.
I’ve interviewed many guests in my podcast, and I learnt nothing from people shying away by being humble.
So today, when someone says, “Oh. You are so lucky. You have the freedom to travel all over the place.”
I reply, “No. I worked for it for the past year. I can show you how to do it if you are interested.”
They get to learn. I get to share. Everyone wins.
Stop Reading the News
Stop.
Think about a piece of news that has make your personal or professional life better? Is there any?
If it matters, would your friends have brought it to you?
This is the age of information overload. The power lies in consuming the right information.
And to develop this, we need to understand the idea of Circle of Control, versus Circle of Concern – a concept introduced by Steven Covey in the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (A very wise man indeed.)
Beginner’s Circle of Control and Concern. (Image from Mr Money Moustache)
The diagram shows all the things we care about. Sadly, we can only impact things very little. If we want to expand our Circle of Control, it is wise to use the time and develop some valuable skills and assets.
Today, I focus my attention on issues that are within my sphere of control – writing this article. It brings me happiness and hopefully some insights.
Make it Easy for People to Say “No”
When asking for a request, I will give people an easy out.
I want to work with thoughtful people and the first step is to be one.
Here are some examples to consider:
“Just floating up in case you missed it. Ignore if you are busy.“
“If you’d rather not because you have enough emails in your life, that’s totally cool too”
“I understand you are busy, I hate getting bugged too. If you are not keen, simply reply: ‘Thank you, I’m not interested’ ”.
This also allows me to be insistent while showing that I care.
People love to help others. Give them the opportunity to gracefully do so.
Let Go of Your Great Employee
Notice that great people change job roles in less than a year. The best-case scenario, 2 years. And, if you were to be honest, you would do that too.
If I want to work with great people; paying a fair wage is table-stake, I need something better. A joyful experience. An experience that consists of learning and growing.
At the end of a year, when your employee’s learning experience peaked. When they would be so good at the job that they find it boring. It’s time for a new challenge, and if I can’t provide that, I help them find a new environment.
This is also good HR strategy. Instead of praying that a good hire to stay forever, I plan for their grand departure. I get to assume the role of a good friend and in return, I hope they will do their best for me.
Now, this is my people policy.
Look for Blind Spots
I used to think I’m smart by asking: “What is the secret to success?”
It’s like getting the winning number to the lottery, only to find out it is not the same game.
On the flip side, most projects fail because of bad assumptions. Assuming that it would take less money, less time and less effort to do it. Assuming that the demand is enough, that it can gain a 1% market share or that the product is great.
The result: Failure.
A business plan merely is just a business guess.
Next time, instead of asking for magic bullets, ask for pitfalls, misconceptions and principles.
How About You
Entrepreneurship can be a lonely journey. When I started, I got tired of explaining the things I do and drifted away from friends. I was alone for a long time.
I hope this article gave you a leg-up on your journey (and explain a little of my crazy.)
“It is not a failure if there are lessons to be learnt from it.” – Daniel Lim
Daniel Lim is an entrepreneur and business coach.
His coaching and training practice aims to help people to redefine success, build businesses and do work which is aligned with their values and purpose.
Daniel’s former design studio, Studio MDS work with clients such as Capella Hotels, Singapore Flyer and National Heritage Board.
In 2017, he designed and ran a retreat called #howtohuman for DesignSingapore Council.
In this conversation, we spoke about
The story of Daniel’s burnout
Toxic behaviour in the workplace
Characteristics of people that who should not be an entrepreneur
and much more!
If you’ve only got 2 minutes, here’s a short video on (How to Let Your Passion Make Money for You):
Click “continue reading” for the link and show notes…
QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favourite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Show Notes
How does Daniel answer the question of “What do you do?” [00:53]
Daniel Lim on his childhood growing up [11:20]
Daniel Lim on his first entrepreneur journey [32:33]
Daniel Lim shares characteristics of bad clients [53:27]
How did Magic Mushroom evolve into StudioMDS? [01:04:19]
What is Daniel’s favourite failure that planted a seed for later success? [01:10:24]
What are the signs of a burnout? [01:23:44]
Daniel Lim shares the most common misconception of psychotherapy [01:27:34]
How does Daniel’s define the currencies of life? [01:41:37]
How does Daniel define happiness? [01:45:12]
Daniel Lim on following your passion [01:51:51]
What are lessons that need to be unlearnt for one to be happy [01:57:04]
How does Daniel Lim think about designing a retreat for Design Council Singapore? [02:00:19]
What did Daniel after running the retreat? [02:09:50]
What are the mental blocks creative faces when he transits to being an entrepreneur? [02:12:49]
What are the characteristics of people who should not be entrepreneurs? [02:17:46]
And if you have any experience with anything we talked about, I’d love for you to open up in the comments.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post.
Share your story in the comments.
Also, please leave an honest review for Misfits Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them.
Special thanks to Danny for the heartfelt conversation. Until next time!
Annabelle Kwok, 25 is the founder of NeuralBay, an Artificial Intelligence company that specialises in vision analytics.
She consults for companies on A.I. driven solutions and was previously the founding CEO of SmartCow.
At 20, she travelled alone for 6 weeks in Togo, West Africa. She has witnessed people fainting from malaria, got robbed at knife-point, and balanced buckets of water on her head.
At 22, she met U.S. President Barack Obama under a youth programme representing Singapore.
Annabelle is a black-belt in Taekwondo, a licensed windsurfer, and an avid runner.
In this conversation, we spoke about
Why did Annabelle join the 10-day silent retreat, twice
Why she decided to run a marathon in North Korea
Her experiences travelling alone in Togo, West Africa
and much more!
I hope you enjoy this conversation as much as I did.
In 2018, I am getting my health in order. I have already lost 5kg in one month. If you have similar goals, and tried a bunch of diet and regime that didn’t help. I want to work with you. I have enough time for 3 people at the moment to help achieve their health goals. The session would be free of charge, as I learning and testing things out.
I also ask that you only sign up if you are really ready to make some changes. I will motivate you and keep you accountable, but you’ll get the most out of my time if we can spend the bulk of our time analysing what you’ve done and implementing changes.
If you are interested, please email me a little introduction of yourself and your goals. Amongst potential candidate who I think we are a good fit, I’ll accept people first come first serve. Get in touch by emailing to ask [at] bryanvictor.com.
Click “continue reading” for the link and show notes…
QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favourite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Show Notes
Annabelle shares her experience of sleep hacking [00:00]
Why did Annabelle decide to go to North Korea? [12:02]
The weirdest thing Annabelle bought on Fiverr [16:46]
Annabelle Kwok shares her holy trifecta of learning [18:36]
How does Annabelle Kwok define success? [31:26]
What made Annabelle decide to travel alone to Togo, Africa [37:39]
Annabelle Kwok on the joy of helping people [54:46]
Why did Annabelle decide to go on a 10-day silent retreat TWICE? [56:59]
Annabelle Kwok on friendship [01:16:59]
Annabelle Kwok shares her favourite failure [01:22:42]
Annabelle Kwok shares stories on her terrible Math’s grades [01:35:16]
Annabelle Kwok on competitiveness in her life [01:40:23]
What is Annabelle afraid of? [01:41:35]
What has Annabelle Kwok got better at saying ‘No’ to? [01:55:57]
What are the new jobs that would emerge in AI? [02:01:07]
How much storage space does “AI” require? [02:16:01]
Annabelle shares resources on how can one learn more about AI? [02:24:02]
Annabelle Kwok on how to building a hardware business [02:26:52]
And if you have any experience with anything we talked about, I’d love for you to open up in the comments.
If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of the post.
Share your story in the comments.
Also, please leave an honest review of Misfits Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them.
Special thanks to Annabelle for the candid conversation. Until next time!
It’s easy to forget about things to be grateful. I used to go on a morning walk, like an old man, and go through a list that I’m grateful about in my life. Life goes on and I forgot all about it.
Last week, I met with my primary school teacher, Mr Au. Over the years, he had a couple of bad accidents. He is now in the midst of recovering from a surgery. He mentioned that every time that he moves his arms – pins and needles will be sent down his entire arm.
I asked him: “How do you feel now?”. He answered: “Much better”.
I replied: “Well, that’s great!”. He responded: “but I still feeling a little pain and I have to stretch every now and then”.
I noticed how he kept focusing on the pain. Why isn’t he happy with his progress? Wouldn’t he be healed with time?
It got me thinking that it is easy to forget about the good things that happened. My health, my relationship, having no debt, air to breath and so much more.
The easiest way to gain happiness is to want the things I already have. Yet, how easily I get used to the good things that happened and feel annoyed by the constant challenges that life has thrown at me.
My solution is a new habit: A Gratitude Practice. (For now, I go through a list of things that I’m grateful for and write them in the morning pages.)
I also feel that gratitude allows me to stop the hedonistic treadmill. I’m not saying to not to grow at all because I believe that growth is closely tied to happiness. The gratitude practice gives me space to think about what will truly make me happy and if that is sustainable.
One example is good food. I love to eat sweets. I can eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry in an evening along with drinking all sorts of alcohol. If this continues in long run, I would fat ass. Hence, this way of living would be unsustainable.
Thank you for taking your time to read what I write. If I know you in real life, thank you for being part of my life. Let’s remember to be grateful every day. Thank you for the challenges I’m facing, and the lessons I will learn from it.
