That would be you.

Last week, I went to a documentary film screening of Dieter Rams, a famous product designer. It was followed by a panel discussion with difficult questions that touch the nerves of the audience.

How do you balance minimalism and capitalism? How do you persuade the client to embrace minimalism? How do you implement these design philosophy in the real world?

There was no straight easy answer from the people on stage.

The ones who should be seeing this documentary were not here.

Social media is so addictive. Lawmakers are not acting fast enough. The takeaway packaging is still plastic.

We broke into smaller groups and continued the discussion over drinks.

I threw around some ideas. Should we delete our apps? Should we start a petition? Can we buy your friend a Spork?

The more ideas I gave, the more problems I received.  My roommate accepted being slapped in the face by her boyfriend. The small town people in India don’t watch enough TED videos. Coconuts are wrapped in plastic film.   

Well, perhaps you don’t really want to solve these problems. Perhaps we just want to talk about them.

Because perhaps the answer starts with you. Not someone else, you. You need to put yourself on the hook. Each one of us needs to.

Do you really care enough about the problems to sacrifice your money, your wit and your convenience to claim those problems and take ownership of them? 

Because the alternative is easy. It is to hide. It is to blow up these problems, so big that it doesn’t involve us. It is to blame other people. It is to find more fault than solutions.

It is perhaps harder, and more generous when we change ourselves before telling the world how they should act. To change one person then change the world. And because real change happens only when you decide to take the first step. Not them, it’s you.

Consider when we noticed ourselves faulting the world, perhaps it is better for everyone if we use that momentum and be a part of the solution.

Thanks Roshni and Roslyn for editing help.

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The photo was taken at Ban Heng Long Trading, a local wood shop where I go to replace the door of the Little Free Libary.

When you search the dictionary for money, this is what you get.

• Any circulating medium of exchange, including coins, paper money, and demand deposits.
  paper money.
• Gold, silver, or other metal in pieces of convenient form stamped by public authority and issued
• As a medium of exchange and measure of value.

But what could also be money?

Money is a store of value.
Money is a unit of account.
Money is the flow of power.
Money is a story.
Money is also the root of all evil (and this is also untrue).

True understanding is not just about what the dictionary says – that is just one of many ways to understand.

True understanding is built from the basic with an unbroken chain of logic. It is about how things relate to each other.

Someone who uses a lot of fancy words is just really good at human naming things. It is the mark of a charlatan to teach simple things in complicated ways. It is the mark of a wise to teach complicated things in simple words.

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The photo was taken at Jo’s Cafe along South Congress in Austin, Texas. If you are there, go to the back of the cafe to find the owner’s favourite quote: “Don’t break your tenderness”.

You don’t need to look very far to realise that the correlation between happiness and success isn’t what you might’ve guessed.

It’s super rare to bump into millionaires who are happy. They can buy all the things they want. Yet we see many who kill themselves, even with money in the bank.

In fact, accquiring things almost never gives us happiness because we stop desiring it immediately. The things become part of our life; we forget about it. We move on and look for the next thing to desire.

And almost as rare, are the people in poverty who are depressed. The kids in Thailand and Cambodia playing in the dirty river, are some of the happiest kids I’ve ever seen in my life.

What we are taught in school is a linear direction of desire. Good grades, great college, a high paying job, a car, a partner, and a house.

What happens when you get to the top? Maybe a bigger house? More friends; cooler friends?

If you want to find happiness, there are two questions:

1) What is happiness to you?

2) Is that sustainable?

External things are unrelated, except for one reason: have enough till you’re comfortable. The thrill of a next level disappears quickly, but the pain of not getting what you want lasts a very long time.

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The photo was taken in Manazura, Japan – where I learnt the design code of the town.

Years ago, I was 23 years old, I had nothing under my belt – no companies, no money, no rings (still none). But, I had a dream. I wanted to run my own wedding planning studio.

I spent months to decide on a business name, design a logo, and make a website. It’s done, it’s called Beautiful Gatherings.

I had to convince people to trust me with the most important day of their life, their wedding. And pay me for it.

I can’t tell them my gender – every other person in the business is the opposite sex.

I can’t tell them my age – they would think I’m too young.

I can’t tell them I’m not married – they would think I don’t have experience.

So, I came up with the idea to keep a goatee. It worked, it gave me confidence. This is me, Bryan the wedding planner with the goatee.

I became one of the top 10 wedding planners in town.

Onwards, I proceeded to give the wedding studio away, founded an animation studio, started a podcast, and a Youtube channel.

At 28 years old, I want to start dating. So, I sought advice from my female friend. She told me to shave off the goatee.

I said to myself, “Not the goatee! I love it, I became a great wedding planner because of it.”

I asked another friend. And another. They all said the same thing.

So, I shaved it off grudgingly.

I finally realised that it’s an identity that I’ve been defending but it is no longer serving its purpose. I have no reason to keep my goatee, it became useless. What got me here is stopping me from getting me there. I had to keep my identity small. The plan is to hold on to as few things as possible.

Do you have an identity or label that you are holding on and it is holding you back?

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The photo was taken in at a house party where I was couchsurfing in Oakland, California.