Sure, there are benefits to an accurate view of the world. But remember the time that you were wrong. Waving the white flag of surrender. The emotional labour we expand to come to that.
Can sorry be a weapon?
In a long-standing argument (where you just want to move on), consider that there might be something that you are missing.
In this case, go first. Sorry, you’re right. Help me understand where you are coming from?
It brings the posture of openness and curiosity. An invitation for understanding, turning a conflict into a conversation.
You might end up disagreeing over a point. But now, you see what they see and learn their story. You have earned an understanding to convince better.
You might even be right in the first place. But now, you just save yourself weeks of made-up mental argument. A cheap weapon, all things considered.
If you read Fast companies and envy the Silicon Valley entrepreneur at fancy lunches, raising 25 million dollars deal and selling companies in record time. You better be there because you need those conversations.
If on the other hand, you hang out with people who are running soup kitchens. Or you hang out with people who are counselling. Or people who are getting deep into what it means to be human. Chances are, the business you build is going to be more human.
Certainly. Choose your circle and it will change what you dream about, what you notice and what you engage with.
If you hang out with people who are going really slow because they don’t want to make a mistake. Well, you’re not going to make mistakes, but you’re going to go really slow.
On the other hand, if you hang out with people who are going really fast and have figured out that the mistakes aren’t going to kill them. The next time you see them and you haven’t made any mistakes, you are going to be embarrassed.
Who you choose is entirely up to you. There are many happy, smart and successful people. It takes work to find them, help them and support them. The kind of work that pays dividends. The kind that you’ll remember on your deathbed.
Choose your circle. Choose your outcome.
P.S. If resources are limited, you can find these people in books, articles and interviews. They can hardly replace actual interaction, but they might just be better than the jealous cousin.
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The photo is taken at the beach in Hualien, Taiwan on a road trip with new friends from the hostel.
Any project that you are trying for the first time is creative work. Cook a meal. Put up an art show. Start a business. It’s new, it’s hard, and if you are smart, you’d look around for advice.
There are 3 kinds of advice here and they are equally important.
1) Do you have the right tactics? Is your knife sharp? Can you write a grant application? Can you give a presentation with authority? Can you carry out the strategy?
2) Do you have the right strategy? Do you understand the macro forces at work? The music business was perfect until someone started sharing mp3 for free. The ice harvesting industry was very happy until the fridge came along.
3) Do you care enough to fail? Imagine if Thomas Edison gave up on the third try, we might not have the light bulb today. Do you care enough to try, try and try again? Do you care enough to expand emotional labour (which is different from physical labour)?
Too often, we confuse the 3 things. So, we talk to the artist about caring more but it’s not going to help one bit. Because she cares too much and it’s getting in the way.
Or the friend who wants to quit smoking and you start telling him what to do. He knows what to do. He doesn’t care enough.
A lot of “advice” we get (or give) are tactics. We end up pushing more in the same bad direction. Perhaps, we need to ask if what we really need are tactics.
You’ll be surprised very often, what you really ask for is not what you need.
Hat tips to Seth Godin for introducing the idea.
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The photo was taken in the MRI room. It is interesting to see the difference in room lighting for the patient and the staff.
If a plate is not enough, have one more. But no cheating, just broccoli.
If what you want are burger, fries, and a bad day cure, it is perhaps easier to admit that. And use it as a compass on the journey to a healthy lifestyle.
The work might be to avoid bad days or to find delicious and healthy alternatives. But it all starts with a plate of broccoli.
Alvin Poh is an entrepreneur and co-founder of Vodien, a cloud hosting company.
Vodien was founded in 2002. It was later acquired by Dreamscape in 2017, and was valued for S$ 30million. Shortly after being a millionaire at 33 years old, he sold most of his belongings (including his Lamborghini) and embraced minimalism.
Alvin holds a masters degree in Information Systems from Carnegie Mellon.
He is now traveling and snowboarding around the world.
In this conversation, we spoke about:
Why Alvin sold his Lamborghini and embraced minimalism
The evolution of Alvin’s fitness routine
How does Alvin apply the 80/20 principle to business
How did Alvin network during his time at Vodien? [02:48] When did Alvin know he was an entrepreneur? [24:21] Alvin shares how his childhood influenced his outlook on materialism [27:08] What does happiness means to Alvin now? [30:05] What did Alvin do after exiting Vodien? [44:23] Why did Alvin decide to drop out of junior college and enrol in a polytechnic? [56:01] What is one thing Alvin wished he learnt earlier as a leader? [01:05:18] How does Alvin identify who forms his inner circle? [01:14:15] What are the pro & cons of SAXO and InteractiveBrokers? [01:17:09] What is the evolution of Alvin’s fitness routine? [01:20:48]
Thanks for listening!
Please leave an honest review for Misfits Podcast on iTunes. Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them.
Special thanks to Peter Ho who made the introduction.
That is a dangerous promise. You have put yourself together with the possibilities of failure. You are on the hook to uphold your promise.
Consider the opposite. Don’t tell anyone before you solved the problem.
You get all credit without the risk. All the upside without the downside.
Authors don’t announce their book until it’s 90% done. Apple doesn’t reveal its new products until all the patents are filed.
Create a tension within yourself that propels action.
The next time you find a problem (or a complaint), that might be your treasure map, keep that a secret and start chipping away. Once ready, delight others with your solution. Soon, you would indispensable and don’t blame me when you are invited to the next secret ‘save the world’ gathering.
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The photo was taken at the interview with the amazing Khailee Ng. We chatted about his visit to Necker island.
Last week, I went to a documentary film screening of Dieter Rams, a famous product designer. It was followed by a panel discussion with difficult questions that touch the nerves of the audience.
How do you balance minimalism and capitalism? How do you persuade the client to embrace minimalism? How do you implement these design philosophy in the real world?
There was no straight easy answer from the people on stage.
The ones who should be seeing this documentary were not here.
Social media is so addictive. Lawmakers are not acting fast enough. The takeaway packaging is still plastic.
We broke into smaller groups and continued the discussion over drinks.
I threw around some ideas. Should we delete our apps? Should we start a petition? Can we buy your friend a Spork?
The more ideas I gave, the more problems I received. My roommate accepted being slapped in the face by her boyfriend. The small town people in India don’t watch enough TED videos. Coconuts are wrapped in plastic film.
Well, perhaps you don’t really want to solve these problems. Perhaps we just want to talk about them.
Because perhaps the answer starts with you. Not someone else, you. You need to put yourself on the hook. Each one of us needs to.
Do you really care enough about the problems to sacrifice your money, your wit and your convenience to claim those problems and take ownership of them?
Because the alternative is easy. It is to hide. It is to blow up these problems, so big that it doesn’t involve us. It is to blame other people. It is to find more fault than solutions.
It is perhaps harder, and more generous when we change ourselves before telling the world how they should act. To change one person then change the world. And because real change happens only when you decide to take the first step. Not them, it’s you.
Consider when we noticed ourselves faulting the world, perhaps it is better for everyone if we use that momentum and be a part of the solution.
Thanks Roshni and Roslyn for editing help.
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The photo was taken at Ban Heng Long Trading, a local wood shop where I go to replace the door of the Little Free Libary.
Here is a free newsletter. It’s free. You should sign up for it.
But what about the email that you give in exchange?
But what about receiving junk that you don’t need?
But what about the spending everyday deleting that email?
There is a free ice-cream giveaway. It’s free. You should go get it.
But what about the calories you will gain?
But what about the time you spent waiting in line?
But what about the uncomfortableness when someone comes to harass you about their latest product?
On the contrary, air is free. It’s everywhere. You use it every day. You can’t pay for it even if you want to.
Just because something is free doesn’t mean it’s worth it. It is our job to understand the people you seek to change. The calculation that people make in their head. This is what it means to empathise. The seductive of free might be an easy way to get people to consider but it’s never a way to delight them.
Before demanding that people should do it because it’s free, ask yourself if it’s worth it. For you and for them.
#### The photo was taken at the Wonderland exhibition, ArtScience Museum Singapore.
