Goals are destinations. A promise we set for ourselves in the future.

We feel amazing when we get there. And disappointed when we miss the mark. The disappointment when repeated can turn into a mood, then it gets cemented as personality. And this begins the slippery slope to depression.

When IBM first learnt about this, they set their sales quota lower than what was realistically expected. The sales team overshot their quotas, felt overjoyed and went above and beyond. Their productivity went through the roof.

Set your moonshot. But don’t forget to have lower goals too. Because once you hit those, it’ll make you feel so good you might just find yourself landing on Mars.

I don’t think it’s expensive meals, fancy cars or grand resorts.

It’s probably not liking every Instagram post, subscribing to their newsletter or supporting their business.

For sure, it is not Even Steven. I gift you, you gift me. We’re even now.

It’s certainly not how smart, popular or well-connected you are.

We begin with this.

Remembering their names, their quirks and their dreams.

Appreciating their efforts, their feelings and their being.

Not projecting, not demanding, not wishing they are different. Accepting and loving them.

Showing up with presence (probably not advice), embrace and care when they need you there.

And when you don’t see eye to eye, suspending your judgement, being curious and seeing what’s at stake.

These are tactics and tactics works.

But it is to first understand that it’s more than a hack to move up in the social hierarchy, more than an emergency text line when you’re in need, more than just a transaction. It’s a relationship.

You won’t have the time for everyone, but maybe for the right one, it’s worth it.

Painting your boss as a capitalistic monster is a sure way to lose a salary negotiation. To start an imaginary war, cherry-picking stories of racism, sexism and unfairness.

You do it because it insulates you from the fear. The fear of finding out you’re a fraud (which we all are), the fear of leaving your comfy job and the fear of rejection. It’s easier to blame than face the monster under the rug. Or learn how to negotiate with respect and elegance.

As a result, you gave away the opportunity to win an ally, your boss.

The story you choose is a choice.

I hope you choose one that helps you get to where want to go, in a joyful and productive fashion.

Why is it we don’t often tell ourselves the truth, about how we don’t tell each other the truth?

We put on a mask, tell micro white lies and omit parts of our story.

One reason is shame. We don’t like parts of ourselves that are ugly. We can’t accept them and so we do our best to hide them.

Another reason is the feeling of rejection that we’ve experienced before. It’s so painful that we don’t want to ever repeat that pain. Worse, when someone uses that information and weaponises it.

The truth is we are just avoiding pain. We manage how much of our truth we let out. We do it to manipulate people, circumstances and situations.

But have you thought about the cost of withholding? It takes energy to repress and suppress those emotions, manage how you show up and keep track of the stories you tell.

We steal the opportunity from (undermine) ourselves to receive the help that we need.

And so we hide. To save ourselves from the pain of facing those demons in us.