The rationale for finding the meaning of life is that it would unknot the existential angst, and give direction to a good life, which will ultimately allow us to be happy.

But what happens after everyone found the ONE meaning of life?

It’s interesting to note that we would be trapped. We would all have to live to that one answer and be like robots, each one competing with the other to fulfill that singular meaning more than the others.

And for the rest of us that don’t think that it is worth it, well that’s the end of that.

It might sound gloomy but the insight is to realize that the question is more important than the answer. And to bring peace to the existential angst, consider Agrippa’s Trilemma.

There are 3 groups of answers.

1. The answers end up in an axiom and everything falls on the one thing being true.
– Because math.
– Because universe.
– Because nature.
– Because god.
– Because Big Bang.
– Because simulation theory.

2. There are no answers you could give that wouldn’t have another why. The why’s just keep accumulating, and as Richard Feynman said, it would be turtles all the way down. Infinite regress.
If I say the meaning of life is to please God.
Then you asked, which god? Well, Hindu God.
Why that god?
Then why, why, why, why and why?

3. One answer hinges on the other answer being true. Circular reasoning.
“Wellington is in New Zealand. Therefore, Wellington is in New Zealand.”
“There is no god because there is no such thing as a god.”
“Well, A.
Why A? Because of B.
Well, why B? Because of A.”

So, what is the meaning of life?

What it boils down to is that you have to choose your own meaning.

You get to decide if this is a play that I’m going to or that I’m just watching?
You get to decide if there is a self-actualization dance that I’m doing.
You get to decide if there is a specific thing that you desire just for the heck of it.

It can be about generosity, connection, and possibilities. Did you open the door for someone else? Have you inspired someone today? Or if you have made things better.

The opportunity lies in knowing that if the meaning we choose is actually helping us achieve the things we seek.

[HT Naval].

A series of fortunate event, I have achieved everything on my bucket list. It was disorientating.

I looked up at an old list of ‘fun-to-do’ projects, not knowing how to choose what’s next. I was paralysed. Then bored. Then, agitated by my boredom.

Inspired by my friend, JR Hinds, I took a month off in Taiwan and went searching for my values. In hopes that it will be the compass for the next chapter of my life (and it did). It helped me get unstuck and excited for life.

First things first, definition are important as we are building the truth. And this is how I define values:

A set of ideas, rules and principles that I’ve looked at very carefully about myself and have deliberately chosen. This is a habit. This is a way of life. I’m going to stay this way forever. I’m not going to compromise on it. I don’t want to live life any other way. I don’t need to prove it to others. It shouldn’t change much over time. It shouldn’t be profitable or easy. If they were, then no one would write books on it.

I started by listing down all the values that I hold close to my heart. That’s the easy part. Next, I questioned each of them, then argued with myself to keep them.

Growth.
Passion.
Balance.
Family.
Do dope shit
Honesty.
Integrity.
Kind.
Thoughtful.
Positive.
Happy.
Powerful.
Freedom.
Hustle.

For many days following… I stared into the abyss trying to expand, explain and argue for these values.

• How do I define them?

• How do I apply them?

• Why do I want to sacrifice my limited time for these sets of things?

Here’s an example of one of them:

Honesty

• Basically, I want to able to just be me.

• I never want to be in an environment or around people where I have to watch what I say.

• If I disconnect what I’m thinking from what I’m saying, that create multiple threads in my mind, that means that I’m no longer in the moment, and that means that I now have to be future-planning or past regretting every time I’m talking to somebody. Which means that I am wasting energy.

• Part of it just means I want to be free. Part of being free means that I can say what I think and think what I say.

• That way, I can be highly congruent and integrated. I want to live my life without contradiction.

• Richard Feynman famously said, “You should never, ever fool anybody and you are the easiest person to fool.”

• The moment you tell somebody else something that’s not honest, you’ve lied to yourself. Then you’ll start believing your own lie. Then that will disconnect you from reality and take you down the wrong road.

• I don’t mean go out of my way volunteering negative or nasty things. I would combine radical honesty with an old rule that Warren Buffet has, which is to praise specifically, criticise generally.

• If I have a criticism of someone, then don’t criticise the person, criticise the general approach or the class of activities. If I have to praise someone, then I always try and find the person who is the best example of what I’m praising and then that praise that person, specifically. That way people’s ego and identities, which we all have, don’t work against you, they work for you.

For those I can’t argue for, I let go of them. I gave up on authenticity, passion, balance, growth, power and hustle. I kept Integrity, freedom, open-mindedness, positivity, long term and fun.

Going through this exercise, I had a few learning:

• One can be perfectly happy without values. That’s what babies do. The fewer values I have, the easier it is to be happy. I can make decisions with a less mental load. Allowing me to be less in my mind and be more in the present.
  
• I picked up values (unconsciously) through my upbringing, experiences and the culture. Then I carry them around in my life without examination, rent-free.
  
• The invisible values that grip my life are the ones I don’t talk about – depression, sex and money.
  
• A lot of finding great relationships, great coworkers, great lovers, wives and husbands, is finding other people where your values line up, then the little things don’t matter.

Finally, I put it all together into a poem. It is an easy format to recite and remember these values.

The Life and Lessons of Bryan
(Long Mission Poem)

I live honestly without contradictions.
To fool no one, and myself.
To find the nuance 
From an assumption, an aphorism, to a fact of life.
To see reality as it is
And always be a fool to the truth.

I redefine possibilities. 
First for myself, then for the world. 
Because I’m a little crazy. 
Because “good enough” isn’t. 
Because what I do says who I am. 

I see the good.
From the person beside me,
to the things that happened to me.
In changing my perspective,
I give others a new story.

I play long-term games.
Because the best returns in life,
comes from compounded interest. 
In love, in relationships, in wealth, in health.

I find courage, 
to run from the cynics and the angst, 
to admit my flaws and stand up for my truth, 
to do the right things when no one is looking,
to do it all over again tomorrow. 

To live my life with fun, ecstasy, brilliance, proactivity and above all, integrity. 

And here I am, with a new compass for life.

Write down your values. Understand them. Fight for them. It may take you a week or even a month, but it could be the most important thing you do this year. Certainly, it was for me.

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The photo was a lighthouse at the southernmost tip of Taiwan.

Almost the opposite. We must care and even obsess about the people you want to help.

But… Who are these people? And what kind of business are you building?

To own a thriving business, you don’t need everyone. Just someone.

The goal is not to pander to the masses and undo the very things that made you special. The goal is to be special to the right someone.

Who are these people and how you are special is entirely up to you.

Trying to make everyone happy is a sure path to unhappiness and bankruptcy.

Shun the non-believer and make things better for the people to miss you when you were gone.

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The photo was taken in a funky little Airbnb in Kaohsiung, Taiwan while travelling with Paul.

We can argue that law is written by logic. But not really, it’s written by values.

A set of standards written by someone on how we should live our lives as a town, as a city, as a country. A set of priorities that are incentivised and enforced through the laws, grants and fines.

And the foundation of value start with the individual.

What are yours and can you articulate them?

It is the compass for how we want to operate in the world and what is worth sacrificing for. It is the reason behind the law. The logic behind the rules.

We are surprised when someone arrives early and show up day after day without fail. Someone who figures out a way to have a healthy lifestyle while running 3 non-profit companies, as they sit on the board for another two companies. We are shocked when someone uses the early morning to write their articles, one article a day for 10 years straight, even on the weekends and public holidays.

There are a few good books on keeping your values. Fewer still on finding them. It’s hard to think of a more essential thing to learn.

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The photo is taken at Portland, Oregon.

A thought experiment.

You are going to the movies needs to be there by 7 pm. Everyone got in the car and you take the usual route. There is an accident on the road that causes bad traffic. So, you missed the movies.

Well, too bad. That’s life. Imagine another scenario.

This time when you are met with traffic, you suggest a new route. A shorter route. Unluckily for you, there is also an accident that causes bad traffic and everyone missed the movies.

Two scenarios, same outcome. However, this time it feels that everyone is blaming you for that stupid shortcut. And by everyone, I’m also including you.

So, why do we allow for luck to be the explanation in one case? But not the other. Why is it that when you challenge the status quo by taking a new route you feel more responsible for the way things turn out?

It is uncertainty. It is because we are afraid of the uncertainty. We are afraid of not knowing how things might turn out. It is because if we change course and things do not work out – It would be our fault.

Even if the certainty is that the route you are on is slower. There is comfort in the feeling that you know how things will go. We would rather stick with what we know even when we know it is not making us happy or fulfilled.

It is the reason why people don’t want to make change. It is why it is so hard to change course once we have started down a path. Changing course means trading that feeling of certainty for the possibility to make things better.

While the uncertainty of a new path might lead to failure. It is also that same uncertainty that allows for breakthroughs, for new discoveries and for success.

We can’t be certain how the future might turn out. We can never. But perhaps the best way to know the future is not to sit around with certainty – It is to dance with uncertainty and create the future you want.

That’s the cost of changing the world. The decision to take a chance.

(Hat tips to Annie Duke for pointing out the decision bias.)

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The photo was taken in Portland, Oregon at a hot air ballon festival.

A shorthand that is worth paying more for.

Because if you know what you want for your logo – the right shape, the right colour, and the right fonts. It’s rather cheap to find someone who is good at photoshop.

Even better, if you can write the instructions in a manual, then you can find someone even cheaper.

Perhaps you don’t know what you want (yet). Then instead of saying go design a great logo and I will like it.

It is perhaps more truthful to say – I need someone to go on an exploration with me. Because what great means to you is something entirely different from what it means to your neighbours.

Acknowledge the human work and judgement to guess what you want. But also realise that after the tenth logo design – and he still has not got it. You might need to change a designer or really dig deep to figure out what you really want in the first place.

Because no one likes that French chef that tell us to add more love in the soup.

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The photo was taken in a Shisha cafe in Gifu, Japan.

Google famously got rid of all middle managers and when into disorganisation mode. Super talented engineers pick their own project, form their team and got it done. Product features are built at lightning speed.

Similarly, university students received project briefs, assemble their own teams and get working.

With high performing team members, who need managers?

Except (when asked) Google engineers want someone who they could learn something from and someone who helped make decisions. And except, at school, advisor review projects and ask questions to steer the project progress.

In 2002, Google call it quits and brought back their people manager.

Managers (when done well) cares for you. They make sure you are accountable, they stretch you and they create an environment for you to do your best work. They know how to hire great people, evaluate them, and give them hard feedback. They coordinate resources, they facilitate difficult conversations and they fight for you.

They thought of you, the team, and the organisation. Then, put on this great balancing act. And maybe sometimes, they fail. They make mistakes (as we all do).

But once we can stop denying that it is easy, then we can start appreciating the generous work of someone who cares about you – maybe sometimes even a little more than your mum.

Would you be able to say that you have given same care back to them?

[PS Claire Liew did a great presentation (slides). Recommended. Eric Schmidt, ex-CEO of Google, wrote A Trillion Dollar Coach as a tribute to his late coach, Bill Campbell. Wisdom with nuance. ]

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The photo was taken in San Francisco while wandering aimlessly.